giving thanks

Hoping you and yours had a delicious Thanksgiving celebration! I give thanks for all of you taking this journey with me. Happy and merry!

xoxo,
Melanie

All Work & No Play Makes Melanie a Dull Girl ...

The holiday season is reaching full swing, and I can already see the blur of calendar pages flying past my periphery with a locomotive’s speed. As usual, I am over-committing myself with work obligations. (I really must address this problem soon.)

The chaotic whirls of busyness that keep me teetering and reeling during this time have me, for the first time since my trip, ruing the absence of reliable and ready transportation. Convenience, which I have been eschewing as much as possible, is suddenly looking pretty good to me. Still, I remind myself that this is a fleeting moment, and when it passes, I will, once again, be living happily sans car and cell phone and such.

While I am loving my new jobs, I must admit that I am feeling a little overwhelmed by them at present. This is my own doing, though. Ever desirous of being helpful, I have agreed to work several extra work shifts over the holiday season so that various co-workers can have some much-needed and well-deserved time to relax with family and friends. I was especially loath to decline such requests this year since my family will all be far away this December. While I enjoy some alone time, I am not so stingy with it that I would deny others the opportunity to be with family during the holidays. So, now I am already looking forward to the slowing of the season, the deepening of winter, and the increase in down time it will afford me. Sad that I am already looking beyond the merry and bright to the darker and more solitary, but it is more the rest I crave rather than the isolation. I am afraid I may be too busy to even enjoy the company of friends very much during the celebratory time, so I suppose it makes sense that I’m not dwelling upon it too much. In any case, I do still love the anticipation of this season – the buzz of excitement in the air, and the images of camaraderie, and cheer, and merriment. I will ride this wave of energy, and allow it to keep me light and motivated through this busy time.

I am looking forward to getting into the kitchen any chance I can. I’ve already made a list of several treats I’d like to try my hand at baking/making. I will let you know how they go. Some of these are already gluten free recipes, and others will be gluten free adaptations of traditional recipes. I am excited to begin experimenting with new ingredients – different flours and flavor combinations and pastries that I’ve always wanted to try, but which seemed too intimidating to me before. Hopefully I can get some good solid recipes under my belt before my Winter Solstice Soiree in December. Wish me luck!

But before that … Thanksgiving! I was going to do a lovely six course meal for my sister and myself. I spent countless hours carefully selecting my menu, only to decide a couple days ago that it would be a little too extravagant for just the two of us. So … I scrapped it. Sister wasn’t even all that concerned about the meal anyway. She was just going along with the idea because I was so excited about it. So, now it’s just a simple roast turkey with roasted root vegetables, Clementine-currant-cranberry sauce, gravy, and green salad with Honeycrisp apples and goat cheese. Sister will be baking a knob of bread for us, too. Very simple and traditional. I will whip up a butternut squash tart with brown sugared apples for dessert. (And there’s ice cream, too, of course!) Then I think we might even go see Martha Marcy May Marlene at The Carolina Theatre in the evening. I think we could both use a low-key kind of day.

Sister is leaving for Pohnpei very soon. Her departure date is fast approaching! I will miss her, but I think she is going to have a spectacular time. She’s only going to be there for three weeks, but I’m sending a list of recommended things to do from which she can choose during that short time. She’s also going to stay an extra night in Hawaii during the transit. Will be good for her to get some R & R. Oh wow. Just realized I’ll be caring for her dog while she’s gone. Whew! It’s gonna be a busy December!

I would love to hear how you manage to take care of yourselves during times of stress and overscheduling. What are your tricks for staying healthy and sane during the holidays, or any really busy time? Inquiring minds want to know. (I want to know.)

So Happiest of Thanksgiving celebrations to you! There’s a lot to be thankful for in this life. I am thankful, among other things, for your company on this journey. Thank you!

Xoxo,

Melanie

Nostalgia and Loss ... blah, blah, blah

This turning autumn begets a burning deep within me: in my gut or my soul, I don’t know. I feel hungry and sense a growing dissatisfaction bordering on anger. It’s no stranger, this. I’ve felt it before. It haunts me most when days grow short and nights grow bitter cold, when leaves take their fatal falls and breath lingers on the air in heavy fogs. And now it’s back. Gnawing at my nerves, seeping into my consciousness. If left unchecked, it will surely drive me mad. Yet, I always manage to check it. I always talk this frenzy of longing down from its ledge. And this, I wonder, might be my problem.

I feel so soft and weak when I recognize that I am complaining of a life that from many perspectives is very rich, indeed. And, in fact, I do not wish to complain of the life, but, rather, what I have done, and still am doing with it. At some point in my past I took an irrevocable turn. I veered from my Self in order to sample the roads that others were building. By some rudimentary scale of comparison I began to feel ashamed of my own road. So I neglected my road and thumbed rides on sleeker highways. But when it was time to return to my road I found it was in need of some major repairs. I took to the task, and my road is now passable, but it was made in the image of those roads I experienced. I didn’t take the time to map out all those lovely roadside attractions that make a road really worth traveling, and I don’t know how to find, or even build, those attractions now.

What happens to people with patchy roads? What becomes of their maps when they are missing great stretches of road from their highways? Important Rites of Passage not fully realized or fulfilled leaving a gnawing feeling of … what? … not regret, nor shame, but rather a sorrow for something missed and a burning need to DO something that cannot ever be done. The time for those Rites have passed and cannot be recaptured. Holes in the road. Blank spaces on the map. Empty places in the soul. Where is the balm for such wounds? What will suture such tears in the fabric of a life?

Yes, we regroup and begin building new roads. Bigger roads. With smooth, dark, shiny pavement. But there will always be pieces missing. I know there are some who will suggest that forward movement is all that matters … that looking back serves only to stunt progress. But the early work is what informs the current style of the master. Without the trials and experiments of the formative periods one cannot walk forward with sure footing. But, this, perhaps, is the point: Perhaps what I missed is a moment of fearlessness and derring-do … a moment in which I am willing to take some stumbles. In fact, eager to leap into the Unknown and ride the wave of whatever should happen to greet me there.

I suppose it’s time for more experiments.

INDIAN SUMMER DAY WITH A HANGOVER

EXPERIMENTS IN BLISS: BAKING + SELF-CARE {Recipe below!}

TODAY WAS A BEAUTIFUL BALMY DAY. SEVENTY DEGREES IN A SOUTHERN AUTUMN BREEZE. I AWOKE TO A SLOW, SLEEPY MORNING FILLED WITH ACHING HEAD AND GAUZY MOUTH. TOO MUCH PROSECCO AND ME AN ACCIDENTAL GLUTTON LAST NIGHT. SO THE PRICE WAS PAID IN BEAUTIFUL DAY HOURS SPENT IN BED WITH COVERS DRAWN HIGH.

EVENTUALLY I GOT MY SORRY CARCASS OUT OF BED AND SET ABOUT MAKING THE MOST OF MY DAY BEFORE WORK RECLAIMED ME FOR THE EVENING. I FIRST ENJOYED A LIESURELY MORNING BREAKFAST OF EARL GREY TEA AND CLEMENTINES. THIS SWEET PETITE FEAST ACCOMPANIED BY THE GUILTY PLEASURE OF HERCULES: THE LEGENDARY JOURNEYS STREAMING THROUGH MY COMPUTER SCREEN. NOTHING LIKE A LITTLE CAMP IN THE MORNING TO GET THINGS STARTED.

I SPENT THE REST OF THE DAY PLAYING HOUSE: TIDYING, STRAIGHTENING, MAKING THINGS PRETTY; AND HALF OF THE TIME IN THE KITCHEN MAKING FOOD. THESE ARE THINGS THAT MAKE ME HAPPY. I IMAGINE THAT I AM BOTH GUEST AND KEEPER IN MY OWN LITTLE INN CALLED HOME. I CONSIDER INSTITUTING A TURN DOWN SERVICE FOR MYSELF, BUT SHELVE THE THOUGHT FOR NOW. MAYBE LATER. IT WOULD BE REALLY NICE TO FIND LITTLE TREATS ON MY PILLOW WHEN I FINALLY WANDER IN FOR THE EVENING’S REPOSE.

APRON STRINGS WRAPPED SAFELY AROUND MY NECK AND WAIST, I CHOPPED VEGETABLES, ROASTED BEETS AND SQUASH, MASHED SOME OF THE BUTTERNUT FLESH INTO SWEET AND CREAMY SUBMISSION. THEN I MADE SCONES USING MY TRIED AND TRUE RECIPE AND WHATEVER I COULD FIND IN THE CUPBOARD. I HAD TO PLAY WITH THE RECIPE A BIT, BUT THE FINAL RESULT WAS TASTY NONETHELESS. CHOCOLATE CHIP CURRANT GLUTEN FREE SCONES IN STARS AND WEDGES WITH A LOVELY EGGWASH GLAZE ON TOP. JUST THE PERFECT LITTLE BITE OF LUXURY ON THIS GORGEOUS DAY.

THE WALK TO WORK WAS WARM AND SWEET AS ANY CONFECTION. DUSTY PERIWINKLE SKY. COTTON SPUN CLOUDS FILTERED BUTTERSCOTH LIGHT FROM THE AFTERNOON SUN. SULTRY BREEZE CARRIED WHISPERS OF SUMMER AND YOUTH AND WILD ABANDON. I PASSED BUILDINGS WITH OPENED WINDOWS AND TREES WITH FIERY GOLDEN WHISKERS. THEY REMINDED ME OF OLD SOUL SURFERS STANDING TALL IN THEIR GOLDEN GLORY DEFYING WINTER’S ADVANCE. THIS IS WHAT INDIAN SUMMER IS ALL ABOUT: A BRIEF FLASH OF LIGHT IN THE DEEPENING DARKNESS OF THE SEASONS. AND THIS DAY STANDS AS A BRILLIANT BEACON. I HOPE IT WAS JUST AS BRILLIANT FOR YOU.

xoxo,

Melanie

Recipe for Melanie’s Brilliant Scones:

Scant 2 cups Bob’s Red Mill GF Savory Bread Flour

Scant 1 cup Bob’s Red Mill GF Homemade Wonderful Bread Flour

Scant 1 cup Bob’s Red Mill GF All- Purpose Flour

2 eggs + 1 egg, beaten, for egg wash

¾ stick butter, softened

1 cup coconut milk (or milk of choice)

Scant ½ cup superfine sugar

1½ T. baking powder

Add-ins as desired (dried fruit, nuts, herbs, chocolate chips, etc.)

Instructions:

1. Preheat oven to 425°F. Line baking sheet with parchment paper.

2. Put all ingredients, less egg wash and add-ins, into large bowl. Mix together until all ingredients are blended together. (I do this with a rubber spatula first, then with my hands, but a stand mixer with paddle attachment would be fine, too.)

3. Fold add-ins into batter, if using. Tip out onto a lightly floured surface and roll out to about 2” thick. Use cookie cutter or knife to cut into smaller shapes.

4. Put the biscuits on the baking sheet and brush with the egg wash. Chill scones for 30 minutes.

5. Remove scones from refrigerator, and brush the tops once again with the egg wash. Be careful to keep the egg wash from dripping down the sides as this can hinder the rise in the oven.

6. Bake for 15 minutes, or until golden brown. (Oven temperatures vary, so adjust baking time to your oven.) Remove from oven, and transfer scones to a wire rack to cool. Serve warm or at room temperature. Store in an air-tight container. Enjoy!

settling in to my new life

So much has been happening since my return to life in the States. It's been a little overwhelming, but, to be honest, I haven't really had much opportunity to dwell on it yet. This is my first week in which I begin my new job at the inn, and, thus, my new work schedule. This schedule is unlike any I've worked in a very long time, if ever. I have alternating weekly schedules: Week A and Week B. Each week I have two free days. These are days I can choose to use for myself, or days I can schedule clients, or both. During B weeks my two free days are consecutive. This will be nice when I need to get myself out of town for a spell, but don't feel like arranging a big to-do. I think it's going to work out well once I'm used to it. My hours at the inn are 1p-9p. This is where most of the major adjusting is going to be taking place. Still, I was able to make a schedule that allows me to work several jobs I enjoy (the inn, The Carolina Theatre, my massage clients, my yoga class, and the farmers' market for Dolly Mama) with only one casualty: I couldn't fit my shift at the video store into the new schedule. I was definitely sad about it. It's such a fun place to be, and such a lovely way to get to know folks in my community. But, I am only one person, after all, so if only one thing had to go, I consider it a positive.

The house is starting to come together. It's still got work that needs doing, though. I still haven't painted the kitchen yet, or finished the trim work. And, sadly, in my zealousness to lighten my material load before my sabbatical, I let go of a great deal of kitchen tools that I now wish I hadn't. Oh well, c'est la vie and lesson learned: Kitchen tools are important to me and are not always easy to replace quickly. I certainly have enough to work with, I just don't have everything I want. After the kitchen, I only really need to do some more tidy organizing and to find a way to creatively store my crafting supplies and unused, but precious, family heirlooms so I can get rid of the leviathan of a bookshelf in the mudroom to make way for a washer and dryer. Then, once the insides of the place are in order, I will be able to start thinking about the outside.

One thing blocking progress lately is the fact that I got sick enough to have to relegate myself to bed for a couple days this week. It was really mortifying to wake up on the first day of my inn job - the day I'd been excited about for weeks - with a sore throat, runny nose and stuffy head. I went to work anyway: I couldn't not go on my first day! I made it through the entire shift somehow. That was Wednesday. Thursday was a free day, but I had a client already scheduled for that evening. Well, by Thursday morning my condition had worsened exponentially. I couldn't get out of bed. I was feverish and my joints were aching. No position was bringing relief. Sleep was fitful, but welcomed, and I was in and out of it in groggy intervals. I had to cancel my client appointment. By next morning, I hadn't gotten any better, so I had to cancel teaching my yoga class, and, regretfully, take a sick day from the new job. My second day there, and I had to call in sick. That made me feel even worse. Still, I stayed in bed. I drank a lot of water and brothy soups. My friend, Dolly, was kind enough to bring me some really delicious and healing spicy Thai chicken soup. (Thanks, Dolly!) I was adding cayenne to everything I could. The combination of spicy heat and hydration and convalescence must have done some good, because by Saturday I was at least able to make it in to work again. It was questionable how I would manage during the morning, but by the end of the day I was feeling a good deal stronger. I'll be going in again today, and while I'm still not at 100%, I am definitely feeling much better than I have been, so I feel like I am on the mend, and hope to be back to my healthy, happy self again very soon.

During some of my down time during my convalescence I began to think about all the things I want to explore in life ... all of those little sparks that pique my interest and set flame to my imagination. (This was probably exacerbated by the fact that I was reading Patti Smith's memoir, Just Kids.) As my excitement was wheeling out into the Universe of Possibilities, my rational brain reminded me that my schedule is a lot tighter than it used to be. And, even though all of the things I'm doing are things I'm loving and from which I'm learning, I will never be able to fit all of my interests into my life. So, if I want to, practically, begin to explore my interests [outside of work], then I am going to need to pick a few favorites and try to work those in to my regular schedule. And if those few don't fit, then I'll have to cull the list even more until I have a manageable routine for learning and practicing new things of interest. (We'll see if I can maintain enough discipline to make this happen. It seems like such a simple arrangement, but discipline in these matters has never been my strong suit.) So, to start, I think I'm choosing these things to explore more actively: sewing, photography, drawing, writing (mainly the blog for now), baking/cooking, Spanish language study, and self-care. (The latter to incorporate things such as a regular personal yoga practice and hikes through the woods and time spent wandering aimlessly in bookstores and the like.) Eventually I would like the drawing (with which I have some little experience) to evolve into oil painting (with which I have absolutely no experience), but I will see about that at a later time. It's still a pretty large list, I know, but I am hoping that through creative planning I can make room for these passions. If you have ideas on how to create discipline for Self-pursuits, I would love to hear about it.

Okay, kiddos, it's off to work for me. Enjoy the last vestiges of your weekend!

xoxo,

Melanie