Busy as a Bee ... bzz .. bzz!

Well, I have been remiss in writing, but that's not to say I've been lazy. On the contrary: I've been busy, busy, busy around here. And I've made some real progress on my To Do list, too!

In the past couple of weeks, I've managed to tidy up my landscaping. I've cut grass, weeded gardens, planted, transplanted, created new footpaths, and, finally, even managed to step back and enjoy the fruits of my labors. I re-purposed the old rabbit run into a more proper compost bin, and cleaned up the old haphazard compost pile that I'd been 'crafting' for five years.

I painted the cabinet doors and reattached them to the kitchen cabinets and the hutch cabinets.

I hung new moulding in the kitchen - at the top of the upper cabinets, and just under the lip of the countertop. (It's a simple moulding, but I think it looks really swell in my kitchen.) I got some pieces of pegboard to hang as a backsplash behind the sink, and as a side panel for the oven. (I still have to do the actual hanging, though.)

I hung new window treatment hardware on most of the windows, and got some nice new curtain panels for them, too. They are white cotton curtains with natural jute horizontal stripes. I love them. They are simple. They let the light shine into the room while still affording privacy. And they are beautiful.

My dad and I cleaned out my garage. (That was a dusty enterprise!)

I boxed up the books from the built-in bookshelf, and decorated the shelves with a few remaining cookbooks and plants and display trinkets that will be staying with me.

I have begun cleaning up the old Frigidaire Flair oven to get it ready to sell. (If you aren't familiar with these vintage ovens, you should do a google image search. They are fantastic ovens with some brilliant design touches!)

I've reorganized the bedrooms, which contain primarily three piles of boxes: Stuff that I am keeping; stuff that I am discarding; and stuff that I need to address again to decide if they are keepers or not.

I removed the nasty old caulking adhesive from the tub. (FYI: The adhesive caulking strips do not work!)

I began going through my kitchen cabinets to purge items that I don't essentially need.

And, finally, I had a scare with Lucy Cluckernutter, one of the chickens. I came home the other night from a very hectic day, and sat on the patio to check out the yard, and watch the chicks a while. I soon after noticed that Lucy's foot was trailing a path of bloody prints. When I looked at her foot, it was covered in blood. I immediately tried to get close enough to her to see if I could find the source of the bleeding, but she isn't used to being handled by humans, and runs anytime anyone gets too close. I called my dad, but he didn't know what to tell me if I couldn't even access the foot. Then I found a vet specializing in avians and exotics in Raleigh. They were willing to see Lucy if I could catch her and bring her in. It would be an emergency visit since they were closing within the hour, and wouldn't possibly make it in before then. I called everyone I could think of who might be willing and able to help me try to catch Lucy, but all I was getting was voice mailboxes. None of my immediate neighbors were home. I was freaking out at this point. Try as I might, I couldn't catch her by myself. Finally I got through to my friend and neighbor, Jenn, and she and her husband came over and helped me catch my wounded hen. (Thanks to Jenn and Jeff for being two of the best friends and neighbors ever!) The vet was great, and gave her a full check up after addressing her wound. Turns out one of the blood feathers on her foot got pulled out somehow, and that will cause bleeding. He dressed the wound, gave her an excellent bill of health, charged me a small fortune for the after hours visit (which was totally worth it!), and sent us on our way.

Whew! I think that's it.

I've been trying to take photos as I go, though, admittedly, sometimes forget to get good before shots. I'm hoping to get the photos downloaded before too long, so you can take a look at some of the progress for yourself.

It's ironic how preparing a house to put it on the market can really endear it to the current owner. As I'm seeing my house and, especially, my yard coming together so nicely, it's really been sprouting some conflicting arguments in my mind. I'm hearing that little voice trying to consider what it might be like to stay here a little longer ... or indefinitely. Then the other voice begins to extol the virtues of mobility and travel and simplicity. Then the two voices start bickering back and forth. When this happens, I just remove myself from the argument. I am sticking to my plan. I don't have to think about those big decisions yet, anyway. I'm just going to keep moving forward and working toward my original goal, and I will deal with the rest later, when it's more relevant. That's the plan. I have a plan. Yes, sir. The plan's the thing.

Okay, so for now, I'm off to re-caulk the bathtub, among other things. I hope you're having a lovely and productive Spring, as well!

Ciao!

Cake and Eggs?

Today is my birthday. Happy birthday to me. Though, it doesn't really seem as festive as I'd hoped. I'm sharing a birthday with a major Christian holiday, and that always just seems like a rip off. This fact is being driven home by the somewhat forced dinner I've been invited to attend at my parents' home today. My mother is very good at getting her way. And while I will enjoy spending time with my family, it's not really how I would have chosen to celebrate today.

Anyway ... that's not important. I'm just feeling a tad sorry for myself, I think. It's been such a difficult couple of weeks. The yard sale was last Saturday. It went very well. I unloaded much more of my stuff than I ever expected to, and made a decent cash stash to boot. All the preparations, pricing, organizing, set up, and clean up were a nice distraction to keep me from getting too bogged down in my grief over Charlie's absence. However, once the sale was over, I was left without that lovely distraction, and have been feeling those sharp pangs of grief in many moments. I imagine this will be happening for a while. Just last night I had this very precise moment when I realized - almost as if for the first time - that Charlie is really not coming back. He's not on vacation. He's not outside playing in the yard. He's gone. Forever. Needless to say, that was a pretty crappy moment.

My sister also moved last week. Her new apartment is fantastic. It's an old building in the middle of Durham. She's on the top floor. The entire place is reminiscent of an apartment building in New York City. She's been unpacking and decorating and buying lovely new/old pieces of furniture and decor. It's absolutely charming. Seeing her in this new place and watching her go through the process of making it her home and her canvas, of sorts, has started to reawaken the nester in me. It's as if there's a quiet battle raging within between the Happy Homemaker and the Restless Nomad. But, I'm sticking to my Path and just continuing to follow the plan I've laid out already. I am trusting that if the Path needs to change, then I will know it so strongly and so completely that there will be no doubt about which direction to choose. And when I listen to my quiet little internal voice, it is still guiding me toward the RV. I have to remember this when I find myself fantasizing about Sister's apartment.

Now that the yard sale has opened up some space in the house, it's time to start making some repairs. I'd really like to get the house on the market by May, if possible. (Though I do realize that this might be a slightly lofty aspiration.) Yesterday, Dad came over and helped me patch up the cracks on the chimney. Hopefully this will keep the chimney from leaking anymore. The sealant was quite toxic, so the breathing of it wasn't so fun, but the views of the neighborhood from the roof of my house were really lovely. I'd never been on my roof before. Perhaps I'll go again before I move, and take my camera for some photographic memories.

Tomorrow we are planning to replace the bathroom sink. I bought the new one already, we just need to remove the old one and put the new one in its place. It's been so long since I installed the last sink. I hope I remember how to do it properly without having to make fourteen hundred trips to the hardware store like last time. But it will be nice to start seeing some real improvement taking place in the house. And it will be very nice to start checking off items on my repair list.

Okay, time to go to my "birthday dinner". Happy Easter, if you celebrate it. If you don't, then I'll wish you a very merry unbirthday!

Letting Go

I have written several times of the emotional expenditures involved with saying goodbye to the attachments of my old life and creating a [relatively] blank canvas for my new one. This point was very painfully and articulately driven home earlier this week.
I went out of town this weekend to visit my grandfather in Kentucky, and to meet my parents who were there to help a friend box up her deceased husband's clothes. All things considered, it was a nice trip. I was able to take a lot of walks around the town where I spent the earliest years of my childhood. And that gave me a lot of time to do a lot of thinking. I started thinking about Charlie, my canine companion of 11 years, and my best friend in the world. I started wondering if anything I was doing with his diet, his skincare, his supplements was helping to make him feel better. I started thinking the thought that had been nagging at me for weeks, but to which I was too mortified to give conscious thought: Am I being selfish by hanging on to Charlie when he might be much more grateful to be released? The thought, of course, filled me with varying flavors of guilt, heavy sadness, and a heartache like I scarcely remember ever feeling. And that was just thinking about it..
When I returned home on Sunday night, greeted by my ever faithful Charlie at the door, I realized something that I hadn't fully noticed when being in the house full time: The house smelled very strongly of 'sick dog'. The odor hit me like a thrust from a prize fighter. I knew what was coming next. But, I still wasn't ready to admit it.
The next day, I forced myself to really consider Charlie. I wanted to try to put myself in his skin, and think about how I would want to be cared for by my companion. I could almost hear him telling me that he was only still hanging around because he knew how much I needed him. He didn't want to let me down. He was afraid to leave me. I knew he'd been miserable for some time, and even though I tried to tell myself that he was showing little signs of improvement - a slight patch of hair was starting to regrow; he was falling down not quite as many times as he has been - I knew that his eyes had been telling me what I didn't want to know. There'd been no joy in his eyes for months. When I looked at him, I only saw an exhausted determination to keep trying to make it through the day.
I had my answer. I had a silent exchange with Charlie, and I could swear that I saw relief in his eyes..
I called my parents to ask for their thoughts on the subject. Would they think I was a monster if I helped Charlie to find the peace I finally knew he needed?
They were wonderful and supportive.
I asked my sister the same thing. She said she was surprised I hadn't made the decision a while ago. She was totally understanding and a great pillar of support.
I asked my mother to make an appointment for us that same day.
So, on Monday, the whole family (mom, dad, sister, and me) all went to the veterinary office with Charlie. I asked mom to make him some bacon. I asked sister to bring him a banana. I shared some buttery toast with him before we left. He rode in my lap all the way there.
Charlie has never been a big fan of visits to the vet. He doesn't get crazy, but he's usually pretty tense and cautious when we have to go. This time he was cool as a cucumber ... which was surprising all the more, since his family was surrounding him with tearful attention like he'd never experienced. At first I thought he must think we are all crazy to be so sad. After all, he was receiving love, attention, and bacon from the people who love him. But, I think he just knew why he was there, and was ready to say goodbye.
He was tranquilized first, which was hard enough. And then we all gathered round him as he was given the injection that would stop his heart and give him the peace I knew he'd been wanting for so long. He didn't look scared. I stayed at his head and kept looking in his eyes so that I would be the last thing he would see, and he would know that he was safe. Then, his eyes rolled back, and it was over.
I think this was the most difficult thing I've ever had to do. I have cried and moaned and wailed in the deepest, most gutteral tones of unadulterated grief. But, I have been supported by my family and friends. My sister, especially, has been a great help to me.
And, it's also fortuitous that the yard sale I'd already planned is this Saturday, so I have had lots of distractions in getting ready for that. Clearing out the house, and seeing it look less like a home is actually a great comfort to me right now. The hardest moments for me are when I come into the house, and he's not here to greet me. Eleven years of having him at the door when I enter it ... it feels very lonely to be without that.
So, it must really be time for me to learn the lesson of Letting Go. It's a bitch of a lesson, but I'm trying to handle it with as much grace as I can. And with that, and a little help from my friends [and family], I know I'll find my way.

Momentum and Release

This weekend I got inspired by the beautiful warm weather. I could feel my body practically aching to get outside. This also seemed the perfect time to begin acclimating my body to some of the physical challenges I'm hoping to create in my new life. As I mentioned in earlier posts, it is my goal to try to get my body into a much more efficient and fit shape so that I might be ready for any opportunity for adventure that should present itself. And, in that spirit, I chose to start walking this weekend. I realize that might sound a little anti-climactic, but it's not as small a step as it sounds. I chose to walk everywhere I went this weekend with the exception of the grocery store when I had to buy the week's worth of food for me and Charlie. I walked to the pool hall Friday night to meet my friends. I walked to the farmers' market Saturday morning with my friends. I walked to work on Saturday night (and got caught in the rain on the way there). It's been great. I love how walking a town can give such a personal experience of its landmarks and its people. I am planning to continue to use my feet and not my car as often as I can. I even hope to start walking to the grocery with my wagon in tow. So, I'm picking up momentum on my fitness plan. The diet is still going pretty well, though I am definitely wrestling with cravings. And I'm hoping to begin more goal-specific calisthenics this week. So, that part of my plans is going smoothly. Yay!

On a melancholy note: Blanca bunny is going to her new home today. My friend from high school is coming this afternoon to pick her up and take her to his neighbors' where she will find her new family. I know it's the right thing to do for her. And I truly believe she will be happier there, but in this past couple weeks, we have actually started to bond. I cleaned her house this morning, and cut her nails and held her and sang to her and tried to explain what was about to happen. She just looked up at me with those big, sweet eyes, and seemed to be telling me "I trust you, and I love you, too." Of course, I wept. And have been weeping on and off since that moment. And will probably weep some more. But such is the grief of release in these instances, and I will relish the sorrow as the price for affording Blanca's happiness, and doing what's best for her.

That's all I've to report right now. Happy Daylight Savings Sunday, everyone, and may you adjust to the time change smoothly.

Playing catch up.

Well, I've been remiss in my posting duties. It's been almost a month since I last checked in here. However, that month has been one of trials, challenges and, finally, a shift in wind current, so I hope I will be forgiven. Shortly after I wrote my last post, I became ill ... and remained so, more or less, for about three weeks. On the recommendation of a knowledgeable friend I began to take adaptagens to try to boost my adrenals, and things started getting better. My theory is that going through everything I own with the intention of letting go of as much as possible, I have been simultaneously doing two things: 1. I've been experiencing a number of old emotions surrounding old memories, and trying to distill them to their essence and release the excess; and 2. I've been getting overwhelmed by both these old emotional jaunts down memory lane and the very large size of my To Do List, and, therefore, have been reverting to all my old bad habits without even being half aware of them.

So, with the desire of really getting into the meat of this upheaving experience, and with the hopes of getting myself as healthy as I can before my "move", I am making some changes.

I'm beginning with diet. I am shifting my eating habits toward more fruits and vegetables, and to a predominantly raw diet. (Thank goodness Spring is on its way, or I'd likely never be able to do this.) I am supplementing with probiotics, evening primrose oil, B vitamins, and adrenal adaptagens. I am taking bentonite clay every morning. I am slowly cutting dairy out my diet. I will use coconut milk, rice milk and nut milks instead of animal milk. The only dairy product I plan to keep in my diet is yogurt - and it'll be goat's milk yogurt as often as I can afford it. I am also working on cutting all refined sugars from my diet. (This will be tricky, but I'm determined to do it.) And, of course, I'm trying to maintain a proper daily water intake. I've cut out coffee and am cutting out other caffeine, too. I'm feeling really good about these new choices.

The next step will be fitness. I am in the process of planning a general fitness plan for myself. It will include hiking, bicycling, walking, yoga, pilates, swimming (when it gets warmer), and hopefully a few other adventurous activities if I can figure out how and where to do them. (I'm hoping to try some climbing, especially.) Any ideas of interesting fitness activities I might try around Durham would be more than welcomed.

I've been making some decent headway with selling some of my larger pieces of furniture. So far, I've sold a swivel chair, dining table + 4 chairs, and china hutch. I thought I had a taker for my bed, but it fell through. I went ahead and dismantled it anyway, though, for the space. I've got possible buyers for another large shelf cabinet, and side table. As these items go, I'll have room to bring some of the larger items from the garage to clean up and post online. Now that I've taken the bed apart, I've got room to start bringing things down from the attic. That means that the next several weeks will involve organizing all that stuff into piles: sell online; sell at yard sale; donate; give as gifts; consign. Good times. I am really NOT looking forward to this process, but I am looking forward to the feeling I'll have when it's all done, so that's my motivation.

My family and I went to the Raleigh RV show this weekend. It was great. Though there weren't many models available that even remotely resembled what I'm looking for - there were only a small handful of Class C rigs there at all - it was good to walk through several different layouts and see different features and options already installed. And, thankfully, it confirmed my conviction that an older model will be a better match for my tastes and needs. So, I'm also planning to start adding some trips to dealerships soon to start seeing some of these older models in person and getting an idea of how to actually shop for one before I really need to do so.

Well, that's my catch up post, I guess. Hope you enjoyed it. I'll try to write more often now that I'm feeling better again. Ciao!