10 April, 2010


This has been a most productive (and tiring!) week at the homestead. I managed to find a motivating fire to stick 'neath my bum, and it burned for the better part of the week. With the help of my generous papa, I was able to remove my old lavatory sink, install my new lavatory sink, dismantle the chicken coop, turn the old bunny run into a compost bin, do the first big tidy to the yard (mow, weedeat, prune hedges and such), and move the frigidaire flair oven I got last year from the garage into the house. The latter was a complete bitch of a task, but I'm glad it's done. Next on the agenda is to clean up said oven and make sure it's still working properly. Then I need to sort through my mass collection of tools and hardware. I've also got to clean up the farm table and chairs and get them ready to sell. The weather's been hot, but nice and dry. My only complaint is the full contact assault from the pollen noodles in my yard, in my hair, on my skin, in my lungs, and everywhere else. The wee bit of rain last night didn't seem to do too much to assuade them. (bastards!)

This was a lean week where clients are concerned, but next week is shaping up nicely, so I'm not too worried there.

My emotions are still running high and frenzied, though their manifestation has been shifting toward more of an overpowering sense of nostalgia. This is framed mostly around my late college and early post-college days. Having a lot of sensations of regret for the way I handled almost every situation and opportunity I encountered. This is especially difficult to know how to navigate since I am technically opposed to the idea of regret. I realize that had anything been handled differently I might not be who and where I am today. But it's the Who I Am Today that has issues with the way I handled things Then. I'm just trying to recognize these contradictory feelings, and accept them as mile markers on the learning curve of my life. This is, of course, very frustrating and very interesting for me. I wonder what will present itself next?

If anyone out there has some good ideas or suggestions for how to handle these emotional conundrums, I'd love to hear them. Go ahead ... speak out! I'm listening.

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