05 April, 2010

Cake and Eggs?

Today is my birthday. Happy birthday to me. Though, it doesn't really seem as festive as I'd hoped. I'm sharing a birthday with a major Christian holiday, and that always just seems like a rip off. This fact is being driven home by the somewhat forced dinner I've been invited to attend at my parents' home today. My mother is very good at getting her way. And while I will enjoy spending time with my family, it's not really how I would have chosen to celebrate today.

Anyway ... that's not important. I'm just feeling a tad sorry for myself, I think. It's been such a difficult couple of weeks. The yard sale was last Saturday. It went very well. I unloaded much more of my stuff than I ever expected to, and made a decent cash stash to boot. All the preparations, pricing, organizing, set up, and clean up were a nice distraction to keep me from getting too bogged down in my grief over Charlie's absence. However, once the sale was over, I was left without that lovely distraction, and have been feeling those sharp pangs of grief in many moments. I imagine this will be happening for a while. Just last night I had this very precise moment when I realized - almost as if for the first time - that Charlie is really not coming back. He's not on vacation. He's not outside playing in the yard. He's gone. Forever. Needless to say, that was a pretty crappy moment.

My sister also moved last week. Her new apartment is fantastic. It's an old building in the middle of Durham. She's on the top floor. The entire place is reminiscent of an apartment building in New York City. She's been unpacking and decorating and buying lovely new/old pieces of furniture and decor. It's absolutely charming. Seeing her in this new place and watching her go through the process of making it her home and her canvas, of sorts, has started to reawaken the nester in me. It's as if there's a quiet battle raging within between the Happy Homemaker and the Restless Nomad. But, I'm sticking to my Path and just continuing to follow the plan I've laid out already. I am trusting that if the Path needs to change, then I will know it so strongly and so completely that there will be no doubt about which direction to choose. And when I listen to my quiet little internal voice, it is still guiding me toward the RV. I have to remember this when I find myself fantasizing about Sister's apartment.

Now that the yard sale has opened up some space in the house, it's time to start making some repairs. I'd really like to get the house on the market by May, if possible. (Though I do realize that this might be a slightly lofty aspiration.) Yesterday, Dad came over and helped me patch up the cracks on the chimney. Hopefully this will keep the chimney from leaking anymore. The sealant was quite toxic, so the breathing of it wasn't so fun, but the views of the neighborhood from the roof of my house were really lovely. I'd never been on my roof before. Perhaps I'll go again before I move, and take my camera for some photographic memories.

Tomorrow we are planning to replace the bathroom sink. I bought the new one already, we just need to remove the old one and put the new one in its place. It's been so long since I installed the last sink. I hope I remember how to do it properly without having to make fourteen hundred trips to the hardware store like last time. But it will be nice to start seeing some real improvement taking place in the house. And it will be very nice to start checking off items on my repair list.

Okay, time to go to my "birthday dinner". Happy Easter, if you celebrate it. If you don't, then I'll wish you a very merry unbirthday!

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