09 November, 2010

Channeling Jerry Garcia?

Oh, what a long, strange trip it’s been ... and still is ... and is likely to be for some time.

So, for all intents and purposes, I have sold my house. The repair work is to be done this week in preparation for the closing on next Monday, the 15th. All that remains to seal the deal in finality is the final post-repairs walk-through by the buyers, and all of our signatures on the formal papers at the lawyers’ offices. It has been a very emotional ride, and, in the end, an extremely stressful one. I could say that I chose the wrong realtor for me - and have said so often - but, in all honesty, I learned so much from the experience, however harrowing it may have been, that I can see that my choice of an inept realtor was exactly what I needed. I was forced to recognize my needs, my boundaries, and my sense of self-worth; and then to firmly express them and demand they - and consequently, I - be respected. Mind you, this was not an easy task, nor a wholly familiar one, for me. But, with the help and support from my family and friends - most specifically, my dad and my dear friend, Jenn - I was able to handle this situation in a most acceptable manner. I feel quite proud of myself, actually. And, in the end, I do feel that I have managed a fair exchange for my house and yard.

While I know it is going to be a bit chaotic in the coming months, I am very much looking forward to stepping out into the next phase of my journey. Once again, my fantastic friend (and neighbor), Jenn, has offered, (along with her generous husband), to lodge me temporarily while I hunt for my new home on wheels. My hope is that I will be able to find my new home sooner rather than later. It will be fantastic if I find it before the holiday season gets fully underway, but I will also be fine if it takes longer. I can always try to find a short term rental apartment, if necessary. I have found a promising trailer for sale online recently. In fact, I’ve come across it before, but it has just been relisted, and apparently was just winterized. The ad claims that ALL the systems are in good working order. It’s an Argosy, which is made by Airstream. The only difference is that the bodies are white rather than silver. In fact, I kind of prefer the Argosys. The layouts and interior stylings are usually more to my liking than the Airstreams. This particular trailer is a 1977 model, and is 24’ long. It photographed very well - looks quite beautiful in the ad, really. Best of all, perhaps, is the fact that it’s in state. I have sent the seller an email requesting that I come take a peek at it in person. I’ll let you know how it goes.

It’s funny the things that have been showing up for me emotionally, lately. Now that there is some sense of real finality where the house sale is concerned, my emotional and stress levels are off the charts. I’m not sleeping well at all. And what sleep I am getting is riddled with the most stressful dreaming. (I’m writing this at 5 am, as I suddenly awoke from some lurid dreaming, and couldn’t get back to sleep.) My neck and shoulder muscles are in such gridlock that I have been having terrible headaches. I must be clenching and/or grinding my teeth in my sleep, because I’m waking up with such incredible jaw tension that it remains throughout the day.

I seem to have an overwhelming desire to buy myself new and pretty things (which is most unfortunate as I cannot buy anything else until after the closing.) I’ve also been finding myself missing a few of the possessions that I sold, gave away or otherwise unloaded prior to putting the house on the market. It is possible that one or two of these things are tucked away in storage somewhere since I can’t remember everything I chose to keep, and haven’t seen that stuff in so long now. But a few of these things are just gone. And, while I am sure I will be able to reconcile myself with these losses, they seem to be very emotional and anxiety provoking at present. Fortunately, however, I am only pining for a very few of the large masses of items I discarded. I suppose it could be much, much worse.

For those of you who are interested in reading up on my progress, I am going to do my best to update more regularly. I will be mostly packing up the rest of my belongings into storage and handling the minutia of moving this week. But, once I’m tucked in at Jenn’s, I’ll have access to the internet at the house, so it will be easier for me to add updates to the blog. I appreciate the support of all of you who are taking an interest. Knowing you are out there wishing me well helps keep me going when I start to feel overwhelmed. Thanks for that.

Have a lovely week!

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