26 February, 2011


Still in the hospital. Still in ICU. Have been here most of the day every day since we've been here. Grandpa is still cognizant, but is exponentially more tired than that first day we spent with him. His doctor told us they have done all that they are able to do for him, so he will be moved to palliative care sometime this afternoon. They stopped giving him one of his medications, which is what, I believe, lead to the increased fatigue. His blood pressure is very low, and he is still relying on the oxygen for respiration. He has been experiencing some anxiety, especially in the evenings, so has been receiving percoset and morphine most nights. He is still getting a great many visitors, which he likes, so long as we don't pester him too much. I have to leave tomorrow morning to make it back to NC for a continuing education class on Sunday, and client appointments during this week. Then I hope to come back on Friday. It will be very hard for me to leave his side, but emotions are running pretty high here, so it will be a nice rest for me to have some alone time. Everyone (myself included) is trying to help in any way we can (whether it's actually helpful for us to do so or not), and we are all trying to stay cheerful. Our family isn't really one that talks about our feelings very openly. That's always been difficult for me as I am one who really needs to discuss those things. I guess that's one reason I excused myself to come write this blog entry.

On the plus side, I have been able to contribute to my grandfather's comfort at least a little. I did help with the first in-bed face-shaving experiment ... though, my cousin fired me and took over that job. But I have been able to help alleviate some discomfort with some light massage work to grandpa's back, neck, shoulders and feet. I can't really do much for his legs due to his excessive edema (swelling), but I was able to help him move them up and down a little since they are too heavy for him to lift on his own. I was glad to be able to do that for him. And it's been really nice to have this time to spend with him while he is still awake and aware. I am not sure how many of those days are left. We don't really know what will happen next. I just hope that grandpa will have as much dignity and as little pain as possible whatever happens.

Thanks for reading, and allowing me to just hash some of this stuff out a little. I hope that it makes sense. My brain is a little fuzzy with all this emotional load swirling and twirling about inside. And yesterday was the 8 year anniversary of my grandma's death, so it was especially difficult. Please keep sending any good vibes that you can spare. Namaste.

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